How to Stop the Church Gossip

Posted on September 12, 2010. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: |


Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the
church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business.

Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities,
but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member  to the church, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup truck parked   in front of the town’s only pub one afternoon..
She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one  seeing it there
WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING!

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just
turned  and walked away.  He didn’t explain, defend, or deny.

He said nothing..
Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of
Mildred’s house … Walked home…. .and left it there all night.
(You gotta love Frank!)

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Puns for Educated Minds

Posted on September 7, 2010. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: |


1.

The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.

2.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

6.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’

13.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

15.

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17.

A backward poet writes inverse.

18.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count

that votes.

19.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine .

21.

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

22.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’

23.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

24.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

25.

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26.

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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